List of All Articles with Tag 'lifestyle'

A good book packs power

A small Connecticut newspaper founded earlier this year with Ralph Nader's help has succumbed to financial problems and will be shutting down

Staring down a hefty holiday gift list

Ashlyn Harris has addressed rumours she cheated on ex-wife Ali Krieger amid her new rumoured romance with Sophia Bush. The former US National Women’s Soccer Team player took to her Instagram on 18 November to share a lengthy statement following her divorce from Krieger. In her post, Harris denied cheating rumours and revealed how the subsequent “online hate” has negatively impacted her mental health. “Several weeks ago, a process that had been ongoing privately for some time became public,” Harris began. “Ending a relationship after almost 13 years of friendship, teammate-ship, marriage and co-parenting (many of them good years) is a decision that was not made lightly.” “We agreed to centre our children, continue therapy, separate, and to move forward with our lives. Two happy families are always better than one unhappy one. This process is never easy, but we were making our way through,” she continued. Harris explained that the former couple were advised by their agents and representation to keep news of their split private until after Krieger finished her NWSL season earlier this month. However, the 38-year-old athlete revealed that “a leak (a betrayal of our deepest confidence) made that impossible”. “The online hate that has happened since has been one of the most personally devastating experiences of my life,” Harris said. While she noted that she was encouraged “not to feed the beast” of negative online comments, Harris maintained that the past few weeks have “devastated my mental health”. She added: “This has been brutal.” Harris claimed that she has received online death threats since her divorce, as well as comments from trolls criticising her two children - daughter Sloane, two, and one-year-old son Ocean - who she shares with Krieger. “Words matter. The cheering on abuse, the people clamoring to encourage me to commit suicide, and the cruel words spoken about my children and who I am as a mother? Those words matter,” she said. “Someday my kids are going to be able to read the hate that strangers on the internet wrote, all because those strangers had an unsolicited opinion on my health and happiness? What are we doing here?” Harris then addressed why she and Krieger split after four years of marriage, writing: “People have run with a narrative that’s unbearably painful. Not all marriages last forever. Ours did not. For many reasons.” The former soccer pro admitted that the “false narratives” surrounding her marriage may be “juicier or make a better headline”, but the rumours that she cheated on Krieger were “simply not true”. “Let me be clear: I did not step out on my marriage. I was always faithful in my marriage, if not always totally happy. Like in many partnerships, there was work and therapy and processing done. None of this happened on a whim,” Harris said. “We spent the entire summer working to tackle the separation and divorce steps outlined for us by our therapists, lawyers, and our shared agency.” The former USWNT star explained how by “finally choosing my own health and happiness”, she has also “chosen a better future for my kids”. However, Harris claimed that she’s had “an entire community turn on me” in the wake of her divorce. “I’ve spent my whole career trying to build an inclusive space where people can show up as themselves and where they know they will be safe,” she continued. “Right now, it feels like the entire community has poured gasoline on me and lit the matches. So many of you, including people who stand publicly as anti-bullying advocates, have cheered this on like bloodsport. As though a family in transition is on opposing teams. Like a divorce is a battle, one person stands to win.” Harris wrote that her number one priority is her children, and being a “good co-parent” with Krieger. “Despite this current darkness, there have been years of love between us. And our kids are the best part of it all,” she said. “They deserve two healthy and happy parents, and that’s what matters most. We are all in pain.” The retired soccer pro concluded her statement by reminding people that “bullying anyone about a personal decision, especially when that bullying is rooted in lies, really hurts”. “I’m hoping that instead of continuing this cruelty you can remember the simple truth that I’m a human being, a mom, and a good person just trying my best. I’d appreciate if you could take a breath and treat me and my family with some humanity,” she finished her statement. It was reported in October that Harris had filed for divorce from Krieger after nearly four years of marriage. The ex-goalkeeper filed the court documents in Florida’s Seminole County on 19 September. According to ESPN, the co-parents are required to decide on a parenting plan for their two adopted children. The soccer duo first met in 2010 while playing for the USWNT. Harris and Krieger were engaged in 2019 and tied the knot in Miami on 28 December that same year. Now, Harris is reportedly datingOne Tree Hill alum Sophia Bush, who also filed for divorce from husband Grant Hughes after just 13 months of marriage. “After being friends for years, and running in the same social circles, Sophia and Ashlyn went out on their first dinner date a couple of weeks ago,” a source told People last month. “This is so recent, and they are both beginning new chapters.” Meanwhile, a representative for Hughes told Page Six that he is happy for the new couple following his divorce from Bush. “Grant will always want the best for Sophia, and is supportive of all that makes her happy and fulfilled,” they told the outlet. Bush was previously married to her One Tree Hill co-star Chad Michael Murray from 2005 to 2006. Read More I present my children on Instagram like a fairytale – I’m now rethinking Will an adaptogen a day keep the doctor away this winter? Naomi Watts admits mid-thirties menopause felt like ‘the end of my worth’ I present my children on Instagram like a fairytale – I’m now rethinking Will an adaptogen a day keep the doctor away this winter? Naomi Watts admits mid-thirties menopause felt like ‘the end of my worth’

Freshly cut roses. Sumptuous Marie Antoinette-style birthday cakes. Vintage Liberty dresses in Strawberry Thief fabric. Shetland ponies. These are some of the ingredients of my Instagram posts featuring my kids. I wouldn’t call myself a “sharent” by any means – someone who overshares their children’s intimate lives on social media in one long, parental “humblebrag”. But whenever I do post, it is picture-perfect. My kids look like they’ve walked straight out of a fairytale. But is it naff? Like tablescaping your kids? A form of digital narcissism? Is it, in its own unique way, a parental kind of “thirst trap”? To an extent, I’m luring others into a fantasy that doesn’t exist. I like to project a wonderfully idyllic life as a single mum... when quite frankly, it isn’t. It’s like when people try to woo their ex-partners back by posting shots of themselves half-naked and having the best time of their lives, despite crying into their pillow heartbroken all day and night. Some mums are professionals at posting perfect dreamy shots of their kids. Look no further than Carrie Johnson, Tamara Ecclestone, Stacey Solomon, and Kate and Rio Ferdinand. For celebrities and influencers, a picture-perfect ideal is the norm on social media – there are lots of cream interiors and matching Christmas jumpers. They might be promoting a homeware brand, or tagging a pram they got for free. Even when it’s tastefully done, like the former PM’s wife’s Instagram, it always gives the impression that motherhood is wondrous. That life is one big, happy Timotei advert. Even when celebrities try to be more candid, it doesn’t work. Mum-of-two Millie Mackintosh, formerly of Made in Chelsea, recently posted a “toddler tornado dump” on her Instagram. “I feel like it’s so easy to always share the nice, polished, life,” she wrote. “Well, today, I’m here to break that pattern.” The glimpse “into the delightful chaos” of Mackintosh’s maternal life included photos of a toothbrush and toothpaste on a bathroom basin, a bedroom littered with hair bows, and a make-up drawer with a few brown concealer stains on it. Really? Is that as bad as motherhood gets? For me, it’s simply more interesting to post magical rather than mundane shots. But why on earth do I want to present my kids as if they’re living in one long, tasteful pastel-coloured dream, where everything looks enchanting? No messy hair. No sleep deprivation. No kids bored out of their minds. I don’t require a filter, either – I’m already looking at life through rose-tinted spectacles, and expecting everyone else to do the same. But am I totally deluded? And, more than anything, could it be damaging to my children? Dr Charlotte Armitage, who is currently the duty-of-care psychologist on ITV’s Big Brother, has big concerns. “First of all, it’s impacting the relationship between the parent and a child because the relationship is contingent on the creation of these images and the number of likes that follow,” she says, adding that when you are “truly happy” with your situation, “you don’t tend to post perfect images”. It’s more important to ask ourselves the question of why we feel the need to present this kind of picture-perfect image of ourselves to the world. Is it because, in reality, we are discontented with our lives? Dr Charlotte Armitage, psychologist As parents, she continues, we are modelling behaviours to our children. “They learn by imitation – if mum is taking photos and seeking validation from likes, the child starts to become validated by these likes themselves and will develop an external focus of control; they will learn that validation comes from what others think of them. This is unhealthy because, throughout life, a child’s self-esteem and self-worth become based on what others think about them rather than how they feel about themselves.” The key, she says, is realising we shouldn’t use social media to fulfil our self-worth. “It’s more important to ask ourselves the question of why we feel the need to present this kind of picture-perfect image of ourselves to the world,” she says. “Is it because, in reality, we are discontented with our lives?” According to research, the average child today has had their image put on social media 1,300 times before the age of 13 – I can see this trajectory for my kids unless I put on the brakes. There are already widespread concerns over the data. In France, an anti-sharing bill continues to be discussed in the country’s senate, and parents could potentially be banned from sharing photos of their children on social media. It could also become mandatory for influencers to admit if a photo or video they posted was retouched or filtered. There is controversy over whether pictures of kids should even be posted online at all, as many are too young to even give permission. How will they feel about the spread of their image in the future? What happens if their identity is stolen – or worse, used by paedophiles? Does it promote a distorted reality of motherhood, compared with which other “normal” mums feel inadequate? And can it backfire on the parents when children’s rights in the digital era are not honoured? “Children tend to be frustrated or critical of the way their parents share images of them,” says Professor Sonia Livingstone, from the department of media and communications at the London School of Economics and Political Science. “Not because they are made to seem ‘perfect’ but because they can be embarrassed, even shamed, in the eyes of their peers. Meanwhile, parents feel hugely under pressure in many ways, both to be perfect parents and also because such images leave parents competing with each other and isolated in their own seemingly inadequate lives.” Dr Cosmo Duff Gordon is the founder of leading addictions clinic Start2Stop, and a psychologist in private practice at Chelsea Recovery Associates. He says that in his 20-year career as a psychologist, he’s “never had a parent sit in front of him and say ‘I’m addicted to Instagram,’” but that’s not because social media addiction doesn’t exist. He puts it largely down to “denial” – “not least since the use of social media can involve so many of the processes that usually characterise classic alcohol or drug addiction”. Denial being the number one culprit. “Obvious ones might be obsession, compulsion, capture of attentional focus and loss of control,” he says. “More subtly, social media use can involve the same sort of self-medication, or escape from reality, that addiction offers – and being a parent is hard. That’s why drifting into a fantasy land can be a relief from the daily grind of motherhood.” Parenting expert Hannah Keeley – aka “America’s #1 Mom Coach” – is more upbeat about mums posting potentially inauthentic photos of their kids. “The hardest truth to accept is that there are some mums who are actually professionalising motherhood to this level,” she says. “Not that they have achieved perfection, but they take pride in their performance as mums and use social media as a way to confirm that to themselves and boost their confidence to encourage their efforts. Should these mums also be obligated to ensure that all mums feel good about themselves, whether or not they have invested in their career to this level? Mums don’t have to be responsible for other mums’ perceptions.” After great debate and reflection, I’ve decided I’m happy with my Insta posts. They might be driven by my background, where my sister and I ran around in white nightdresses as if we had starring roles in Picnic at Hanging Rock. Or because I was conditioned to believe that how we look – even how thin we were – equalled self-worth. I’m not setting myself up to be a supermum. I don’t look at how many likes I get. It’s true that us mums also need to share our parenting experiences honestly, to let other mums know they are not alone. But for now, I’m not doing a U-turn – I’m just living the fairytale dream. Read More My daughter’s horsey hobby makes her happy, but our home now hums If poachers make the best gamekeepers, do siblings make the best babysitters? 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