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Coming out can be hard at any age, but by the time you’re well into adulthood it may feel terrifying, and be completely life-changing. Many people who come out in their thirties and onwards may have wanted to for a long time but not felt safe enough to do so. As October 11 marks National Coming Out Day, it’s important to reflect on how, if and when people can share their authentic selves. “I wasn’t raised in a time when it felt safe to express attraction to women,” says author and creative mentor Fiona Fletcher Reid, who came out last year at the age of 35. “I wasn’t sure about my sexuality until I had psychosexual therapy and was able to explore all the layers of internalised homophobia and repression that I had accumulated over my 35 years,” she says. So, how you can support someone who is going through it? Don’t assume everyone is the same Not every person’s coming out looks the same, and some LGBTQ+ experiences are not universal. “Coming out is a personal experience and because it is often physically and emotionally dangerous to be openly queer, lots of people never feel able to be open,” says Fletcher Reid, now 36. “Some people might feel free to come out once they have ended a particular relationship, or after meeting people who they feel safe around. “For others, like me, it’s that we don’t consciously acknowledge our sexuality until we are a lot older and have the confidence to work through the emotional implications and real-life consequences that come with that,” The writer, from Glasgow, was going through a divorce at the time with a man she’d been with since the age of 17. “During therapy, I talked a lot about the pain I was experiencing during intercourse as well as my general anxiety around sex. It wasn’t until I’d built up a trusting relationship with my therapist that I felt able to discuss the fact that I thought I might be gay and I did not expect that to come up, so I was just as surprised as everyone else when I came out.” Don’t question their authenticity Validate what the person who has come out is saying. “Don’t say, ‘Are you sure?’ because you can rest assured that the person coming out to you has thought long and hard about this,” says Fletcher Reid. “Casting self-doubt on someone when they have opened up a vulnerable part of themselves to you is hurtful.” Don’t question them about their sex life It’s no one else’s business. “Please don’t ask about whether they have been intimate with anyone, or any other sort of suggestion that they need to ‘prove’ their sexuality to you,” she stresses. Consider what they feel and accept that it is a big deal They are probably feeling “a mix of emotions, including excited, happy, empowered and scared for their safety”, says Fletcher Reid. “Sadly coming out can still cause huge ruptures in relationships so be aware that this is a huge moment for them and comes with real consequences. “Dismissing their experience as ‘not a big deal’ because you think it’s ‘normal to be gay’ now is a dangerous and false narrative.” It may sound simple, but just listening and supporting them is vital. “Be there to listen and try to celebrate all the new things that they are exploring as they come out, whether that’s dating, meeting new people or finding ways to experiment with their identity through fashion,” says Fletcher Reid. “Repeat often that you love and care for them and that you accept this evolution of them, that you are happy to see them happy.” Suggest they find community “Encourage them to talk to other people who have been through similar experiences if you can,” she says. “As much as friends and family want to understand what they are going through, it is far more validating to talk to someone else who has come out later in life and understands the emotional intricacies of the experience. “They can also hopefully show them that there are good times ahead.” Thank them for sharing with you “It is a privilege that someone trusts you with coming out, especially later in life. Tell them that you are honoured to have been trusted with this information, and reassure them that you will keep it private until they are ready to tell other people,” Fletcher Reid suggests. “The best reactions that I had from people were seeing their joy that I had discovered this important part of myself, and that had a huge impact on my ability to feel hopeful amidst the pain caused by my divorce. “Allowing them to feel conflicted and guilty and offering reassurance that they have the right to be themselves will make them feel so much happier.” Read More Israel-Hamas conflict: How to talk to teenagers about distressing news stories Autumn décor ideas for a seasonal refresh Why you shouldn’t tidy your garden too much in autumn World Mental Health Day: 5 ways to beat anxiety and change your life Alternative veg to grow for next season How to spot if your child is struggling with their mental health – and what to do next

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A 98-year-old man has been charged as an accessory to murder at a Nazi concentration camp in Germany. The man, who has not been named, is alleged to have “supported the cruel and malicious killing of thousands of prisoners as a member of the SS guard detail” at Sachsenhausen concentration camp between 1943 and 1945. In operation from 1936 until April 1945, Sachsenhausen – also known as Sachsenhausen-Oranienburg – was a labour camp known for its medical experimentation area. After the end of the Second World War, when the area was Sovient-occupied, it was used by the secret police agency the NKVD, later renamed the KGB, as a special camp. More than 200,000 prisoners were held at Sachsenhausen between 1936 and 1945, where tens of thousands died of starvation, disease and forced labour alongside medical experiments and SS extermination operations, including shootings, hangings and gassing. Though the exact figures vary, upper estimates suggest 100,000 people died at Sachsenhausen. The accused man is a resident of the county of Main-Kinzig, near Frankfurt, and is charged with over 3,300 counts of being an accessory to murder between July 1943 and February 1945. Filed at the state court in Hanau, prosecutors will now decide whether to send the case to trial. Should the case move forward, the man will be tried under juvenile law to take into account his age at the time of his alleged crimes, with a psychiatric expert adding that the suspect is fit to stand trial at least on a “limited basis”. In recent years, German prosecutors have brought several cases to allow for those that helped Nazi camps to function to be prosecuted as an accessory to murder. In 2021, 96-year-old Irmgard Furchner was caught shortly after going on the run ahead of a court hearing on charges of committing war crimes during World War Two. The next year, Furchner was handed a two-year-old suspended sentence for aiding and abetting the murder of 10,505 people and for the attempted murder of five people during her time working as a stenographer and typist at Stutthof concentration camp. She was accused of being part of the accessory to the function of the camp, where she was alleged to have “aided and abetted those in charge in the systematic killing of those imprisoned there”. In July 2020, a court in Hamburg convicted 93-year-old Nazi camp guard Bruno Dey of being an accessory to murder over his time spent at Stutthof concentration camp during the final months of the Second World War. He was handed a two-year suspended sentence after being convicted of 5,232 counts of accessory to murder - equal to the number of people believed to have been killed at Stutthof during his time there in 1944 and 1945. Read More Teenage neo-Nazi defaced Windrush mural and had ‘race war’ fantasies, court told Former RAF cadet defaced Windrush mural with Nazi symbols ‘Neo-Nazi’ ex-prison officer jailed for possessing terrorist handbook Footage of Holocaust miracle rescue unearthed for the first time Putin puts ‘Satan II’ nuclear missile ‘on combat duty’ as Kyiv launches drone strikes Drone attacks inside Putin’s Russia will only increase, says senior Ukraine official Billionaires want to build a new city in rural California. They must convince voters first